Click here to apply

Gus and Gabriel, Scottish Highland bull calves, ducked through the electric fences, then strode down the lane behind Miles Smith Farm toward the ninth hole of the nearby golf course. The race was on to head them off. Did they want to tee-off or just tee me off?

The cow and three calves I just bought from a farmer in Wilton are an unruly bunch. On their first day, Rosie, the Highland cow, gathered herself up, tucked her legs, and neatly jumped over a four-foot gate, followed by her less-graceful calf, Elsie. They weren't following my farmer's manual, which says cows don't jump gates. Rosie's former owner had warned me she was a jumper, but I thought my high fences would be too much for her. After they jumped, I herded them back into the holding pen, and Rosie cleared the gate again. But, as Elsie followed her mom, her rear legs caught on the gate and pulled it down.

I had to admire Rosie's form. In a former life, I'd ridden my horse, Spin, in competitions where we galloped up to and jumped over three-foot fences, a tricky maneuver for horse and rider, and now I'd just watched Rosie clear four feet from a standstill. My farmer self cursed her, but my equestrian self applauded her.

The next day I noticed Virginia the cow staring toward the dirt road that borders my farm. Following her gaze, I saw our other two newcomers, bull calves Gus and Gabriel, striding along Old Voted Road, headed toward Greenview Drive.

Round Up Time

I jumped on the ATV and drove across my fields to intercept them before they got to the neighboring golf course. Hooves and carefully tended greens don’t mix. I turned them back in time, the ninth hole was spared, but then I watched in dismay as they pushed their way back through the electric fence to rejoin the herd. In their cow manual, my fences were suggestions to be ignored. 

After this blatant delinquency, I decided to renew my quest for a farm worker. Husband Bruce and I are getting a little old for this cowboy stuff.

Job Descrption

At the risk of being silly, I’ll steal a scene from the movie “Mary Poppins.” Just as the children's nanny job description differed from their father's, here’s the ad my cattle would write:

Help Wanted: Nanny for an adorable herd of Scottish Highland cattle:

  1. Must have a cheery disposition. (Don't yell at us.)

  2. Feed food of all sorts. (We like alfalfa cubes and smashed pumpkins.)

  3. Must be kind (neck rubs are expected) and punctual (we like our meals served on time).

  4. Leave all the gates open. (We know where the food is.)

  5. Never give us medicine (except when alfalfa cubes are included).

  6. If we step on your feet, they are in the wrong place (probably between us and the alfalfa cubes).

The official job description differs only a little a bit.Anyone who’s not afraid of hard work or cows that behave like kangaroos should get in touch.

Click here to apply.