How to Talk to an Ox: It's Not What You Think

A few years ago at the Hopkinton Fair, Topper, one of my oxen, decided he'd seen enough of the cattle barn. Topper was a 1,500-pound black steer with horns like the handlebars on a Harley. He slipped his tie, turned around, and started strolling out toward the fairgrounds, apparently in the mood for fried dough.

That's when a well-meaning visitor leaped into action. He planted himself in front of Topper, grabbed both horns, and leaned in. He seemed to think he could hold back three-quarters of a ton of beef the way you'd hold back a Labrador who's spotted a squirrel.

Stopping a Pick Up Truck

I understand his motivation. With a 40- or even 60-pound dog, a firm grip and a little muscle might win the day. Plenty of people, mostly men in my experience, carry that lesson with them everywhere they go. But I guarantee you this: it does not scale up. A 200-pound man trying to stop a 1,500-pound steer by the horns is like trying to stop a pickup truck by grabbing the front grille.

"Let go and MOVE!" I yelled. He didn't. I yelled again. Eventually, the man stepped aside. Then I stepped in, said "Whoa," and Topper stopped—no wrestling, no heroics, no trip to the first-aid tent.

Topper wasn't being mean. He was being pushed, and nobody likes getting pushed around: not people, not dogs, and certainly not bovines. Push on a steer, and his instinct is to push back. When a steer pushes back, the steer wins—every time.

Cattle Want to Cooperate

Here's what that man didn't know. Trained cattle are conditioned to respond to voice commands. They actually want to cooperate. They're herd animals, wired to follow a leader, and they'll follow a human who earns that role through consistency and patience. Power and strength work when cattle are establishing a pecking order, but never between humans and bovines.

In a shoving match, the bigger animal wins, and I am not bigger. I'm not even close. By the time they're a few months old, my calves outweigh me, and they only get bigger from there. My only option is to convince them I'm the one worth following.

Leadership starts with listening, and with cattle, listening mostly means watching. Bovines aren't big talkers. A cow will moo when she's hungry, when she's lost track of a herd mate, or when she's calling her calf to her side. Otherwise they keep their opinions to themselves. That makes them very different from the rest of us, who will chatter about the weather to anyone standing still.

Body Language

Cattle talk with their bodies. Ears flicking toward you mean you have their attention. A head held high with the whites of the eyes showing means they're worried. A lowered head and a swishing tail mean they're annoyed, and it's a good time to give them some room. A steer who suddenly plants his feet is telling you he's made up his mind. None of it is subtle once you know what to look for. It's a whole conversation, carried on without a single word.

Topper was talking loud and clear that day at the fair. The fellow hanging off his horns wasn't listening.

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Carole Soule is co-owner of Miles Smith Farm in Loudon, N.H., where you can have an Ultimate Cow Experience, hug Highland Steer, Curious Bleu, and admire Red’s majestic horns. Carole can be reached at carole@cow-coach.com.